Spill the Milk with Anna Williamson

Welcome to Spill the Milk, where we ask some of the UK's most famous mums and dads to reveal all about the wonderful world of parenting.

We caught up with life coach, presenter and mum-of-two, Anna Williamson, who opens up about suffering from perinatal anxiety during her first pregnancy, the reality of navigating romantic relationships during parenthood and the baby bottles that are ideal for colicky babies.

I wanted to be a mum since I was 15

I've always loved children and I've always felt maternal. I used to babysit for practically every kid in the village and I've always liked babies, so it was something that wasn’t even a question for me.

My first pregnancy with Enzo was mentally very difficult and I suffered from perinatal anxiety

It came as a bit of a blow really and a huge disappointment, because Enzo was a very wanted baby. I was 34 when I got pregnant with him and I've had generalised anxiety for over 15 years, but it's something that I manage very well through therapy, self-care and medication, when it's needed. Then when I became pregnant with him, I didn't realise that it can be a strange time, because a lot of things can be put down to hormones, when in actual fact I was diagnosed after the event as having perinatal anxiety. As a result, I came off my anxiety medication, which was a bad piece of advice that I've been given, so pregnancy was really difficult for me mentally, and I was very up and down emotionally.

However, physically I've been very lucky with both of my pregnancies, I didn't have any SPD or anything particularly bad. My second pregnancy with El was a lot easier and I think because I'd learnt from the first one, I had a lot of help in place. I made different birth choices to protect my mental health, because I did subsequently get birth trauma and postnatal depression after my first one. I felt much better equipped and supported with my second pregnancy and I'd also been there and done it. I do think the jump from zero to one is harder than any jump though, because it's a whole new skill set and new life that kicks in. But my second pregnancy was extremely well and postnatally I was well too, so I'm delighted that one out of two wasn't bad.

I do think the most important thing for women who are going through the same thing I did, mentally, is to not sit in silence. Speak to someone, anyone, that you trust. Also, don't feel any negativity towards how you are feeling, because that is just how you are feeling. If you're feeling great, brilliant, if you're not feeling great, then that's also not your fault. I know from my own experience of working with lots have mums that have been in my situation, is that the quicker you get help for postnatal depression and birth trauma, the easier things will become and you can work through it. But it is about not being scared that someone's going to think you're a bad mum, because that isn't the case at all. In fact, so many people suffer from it, and they're too scared to admit it. Just be brave and speak up about it, because help is out there. There's also a very strong chance it won't last, but it will last longer if you don't confront it.

Since becoming a mum I’ve become a lot less selfish

I think parenting teaches you patience, patience you never knew existed, and it's also taught me how to adapt. You just don’t know what mood your child is going to be in from one moment to the next or what challenges face you. My son's in Year One now so there's all kinds of things kicking off, like he’ll come home and he’s learned some bad behaviour from school, so I think it's about just being adaptable, but also being really present. It's taught me that work life family balance is so important.

My husband and I definitely experienced some of our biggest rows in those first few weeks of becoming parents, we didn't have a clue what we were doing

It’s actually part of the reason why we've recently launched a new coaching platform called the Relationship Place, because we recognised how much relationships can be hindered and affected by becoming parents. Anyone can access it but a lot of people find coaching a bit taboo still and it really shouldn't be. Sometimes t can be near to impossible to have a relationship when you’re parents, especially when you're sleep deprived, you’re trying to work and you’re knackered; there's very little time, unless you really focus on it, for each other. It's very, easy for conflict to creep in and for you to kind of lose touch of who you are as a couple. You can also feel like you're being sold a bit of a lie, you think is everybody else sitting aound eating Jaffa Cakes and cooing over their newborn baby? Why are we the ones that are literally pulling our hair out and arguing about who gets to go to the toilet? Yet it turns out everybody else is doing the exact same thing, they just haven't talked about it. A lot of these niggles that we have as well are actually a very fixable too, but it's having the bravery to stand up and go, ‘you know what, we need to do something about this’ without blaming each other all the time, which is why we developed the Relationship Place.

I could not live without my SAGE barista coffee machine

Every parent needs to have a shit load of coffee, in my experience anyway. In lockdown in the absence of being able to go to Starbucks we invested in a SAGE barista coffee machine and it was the best £500 pounds I’ve ever spent. We've got that money back, and more I reckon, in safe takeaways. I’m also a huge fan of Dr. Brown's bottles. I breastfed my second daughter and we went through every bottle on the market, but we always found that Dr. Brown's was such a great one for us with regards to colicky babies. Recently, I’ve also been using the Pura nappies, they're a sustainable, biodegradable, eco-friendly brand. I think it’s really important as parents that we are conscious of what we're putting into the landfill and choosing those sustainable brands when it comes to nappies and wipes. It’s not always easy when they come at a slightly more increased cost, but I think it's really important.

The naughtiest thing I did as a kid was make my younger brother drink paint through a straw

My 80s mum used to make us all drink a glass of milk before bed, it was kind of her thing. I once put white poster paint in a cup and mixed it with water and then gave it to my younger brother and said ‘mummy said you must drink this’ and made him drink it through a straw. It was child-friendly paint, but I got in big trouble for that.

Each morning I tell myself ‘today is going to be a great day’

It's a really simple saying and I actually picked it up from my Celebs Go Dating colleague, Paul Brunson. I just think setting yourself up on a positive as opposed to ‘oh God I've got to do this today’, can really affect the quality of your day and your mindset.

Would you rather…

Never drink wine again or never drink coffee again?

Never drink coffee again. I like wine too much.

Clean glitter out of the carpet or felt tip pen off the walls?

Felt tip pin, glitter is hell.

Be able to go to the toilet and piece forever or have undisturbed sleep for a year?

Undisturbed sleep. Always sleep.

Experience your kids temper tantrums in a busy library or on an aeroplane?

The library, at least you can run out.

Your partner say I love you every day, or they never say it, but got up every time your child woke in the night?

I’d rather be told I’m loved every day.

Watch Bing on loop for twenty-four hours or Peppa Pig?

Peppa Pig. Can’t stand Bing, it drives me mad.