We’re a two mum family – here’s what that looks like in 2023

rosie daughton rose and rosie

by Rosie Daughton |
Updated on

Hi Guys! I’m Rosie, I am Mummy to Ziggy, I live with my wife Rose and together we make YouTube videos – I love to put it all out there on the internet! In this article I'm talking about being a two mum family...

If I went back in time and told a young Rosie that future me was happily married to a woman, I wouldn’t believe it. And no, I didn’t dream about this growing up. In fact, the option of marrying a woman never once occurred to me. I was born in 1990, ‘queer’ and ‘gay’ were playground insults, I don’t believe I’d ever heard the word lesbian and as I got older and became a teenager, ‘bisexual’ was something that was thrown around for attention a lot. Girls kissing girls was something I’d seen on American Pie to get the attention of men. Gay marriage was illegal. And if someone was gay, they usually had the same stereotypical ‘look’. A femme lesbian? Who’s ever heard of that?! I can’t think of one single person who was openly queer at my school. Not one.

And yet, despite having no gay influences around me, I still found myself attracted to women just as much as men. It’s funny to me how some people fear their children being ‘exposed’ to LGBT tv shows and books, like that affects anything in any way. I was exposed to nothing and yet I looked at certain girls in my school and thought “Wow. This is something.” But in school back then, no girls went out with girls. So I went out with boys, and that was fine by me because I like boys too. When I was a little girl I dreamed of marrying a soldier, or some kind of male hero. The idea of ending up with a woman was never pondered on because I didn’t realise that could ever be an option for me – let alone having children with one – how on earth would that work?!

As I got older, I experienced the world ‘opening up.’ On Facebook I saw some people from school finally come out. I’d had no idea, and I thought, good for them! I went to university and there was an LGBT society there, and my straight friend Martin helped me to join. I told people I knew that I fancied women, and no one cared.

When I went on my first date with Rose I asked her if she wanted to get married and have kids, and she said “No, they’re never going to let us get married so what’s the point?” I felt really sad and thought, she’s right. Of course they won’t let us get married. Why would they?

rose and rosie wedding

And yet, fast forward to today. I don’t live in a particularly gay-friendly or progressive area. My wife and I debated moving to Brighton when we started considering our future and buying a home together, but it’s just too far away from family. So, we are in a small rural village in the Cotswolds, and there are other gay parents at the nursery drop off. At nursery they help our son make both his mummies Mother’s Day cards. There are books on families with two mums, books explaining how same sex parents use donor sperm or eggs to make a baby. Language is inclusive. I join a mum group and they invite me to a brunch date and tell us to bring our husbands, wives and partners. We get invited to childrens parties. Everyone is nice to us.

Once young me had gotten over the shock of the fact that future me married a woman, she might ask about what our lives look like. And I’d tell her how we all live in a house together. We both share the household chores and work equally. We both earn the same amount of money. There is no ‘breadwinner’ and no dominant person ruling the household. That we both make decisions about our child together. That we are best friends as well as wife and wife. That now we’ve had one child together, we dream of having more. That we have friends and family who are not only completely accepting of us, but don’t bat an eyelid. That we go out and do family things together and don’t seem to have a problem. I’d tell her there are gay couples on tv shows now, and movies. That we know lots of gay people and we bump into them and it’s normal. That we feel like we are living the dream.

rose rosie and ziggy family

Of course, not everyone in the world feels peace, love and tolerance towards us. My hairdresser told me a shocking story of how his friend was physically attacked and assaulted for being gay. I’m not ignoring the fact that not everyone is ok with LGBT people, and not everyone will treat us with respect.

But what I am saying is, now I’m living the life, the life I was unable to dream about, as it wasn’t even a possibility back then. I’m not saying every second is perfect, because like any family, we have our moments and our ups and downs. But what I’m saying is, being with the person I love, who happens to be a woman, and making a family with her… now that is perfect. We are so very lucky.

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