Relatable and funny parenting quotes

by motherandbaby |
Updated on

Us mums can't say enough about our little bundles of joy, so we've rounded up the most heartwarming, funniest quotes about being a mum from pregnancy surprises to toilet trips en masse!

Funny parenting quotes

'When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget."' - Sarcastic Mommy

'My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.' - Unknown

'Stop saying "we're pregnant." You're not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No.' ― Mila Kunis

'I'd love to be a Pinterest mom. But it turns out I'm more of an Amazon Prime mum.' - Unknown

'The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn't finish.' ― Carrie Underwood

'Parenting is yelling 'you just had a snack!' over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.' - Loud Momma

'A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.'  – Jerry Seinfeld

'It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.' - Unknown

'Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future.' ― Amy Poehler

Best parenting quotes from celebs:

From Adele to Holly Willoughby, we’ve found some of the most honest and the most lyrical quotes about being a mum, courtesy of our favourite celebs...

Reese Witherspoon on loving her post-baby figure:
'I like my body so much better after I had kids. Is that a crazy thing to say? I'm more womanly. I feel sexier.'

Kim Kardashian on pregnancy being ‘enjoyable’:
'They are lying. They are LYING to you. I'm telling you. Kourtney said that, my mum said that. I was literally giving birth and I looked at my mum and I said, "I'm going to get you a medal. You deserve everything"'.

Actress, humanitarian and mum of six, Angelina Jolie is one of the most famous women in Hollywood. In an interview with Vanity Fair, whilst pregnant with her twins Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline,  Jolie said on being pregnant: ‘I love it. It makes me feel like a woman. It makes me feel that all the things about my body are suddenly there for a reason. It makes you feel round and supple, and to have a little life inside you is amazing.’

Whilst pregnant with her first son Angelo, Adele told an audience at her concert:
‘When I got pregnant, I had so much testosterone in me that I grew a beard. I only cropped it last night. It’s actually true. I’m not telling a joke. I actually have a beard but I’m proud of it. I call it Larry’. Oh Adele, we do love you.

Down to earth mum Drew Barrymore is the actress we all want as our best friend; when she spoke about being pregnant, she said:
‘'You have the highest highs and yet you're facing the biggest fear of, "How do I keep someone alive?"'

Mum of three and This Morning star Holly Willoughby told Weekend magazine in her final trimester when pregnant with her third baby:
'I actually really like giving birth. I know, I’m a weirdo but I really like it. Knowing you’re about to meet your baby, it’s just a really lovely time. It’s the best day ever.’

When pregnant with her first daughter, Blue Ivy, megastar Beyonce was quick to share her joy, saying:
‘It is the most powerful creation to have life growing inside of you. There is no bigger gift.’

Singer Rachel Stevens on mornings as a mum:
'It is literally like Christmas every morning! It really is, when you see them for the first time in the morning, she wakes up and I hear her chatting away and she is singing away and its lovely!'

Frozen star Kristen Bell on her birth plan:
'I’ve got nothing to prove by giving birth naturally. I feel like when I arrive at the hospital, I want a glass of whiskey, I want the epidural in my back and I want to get hit in the face with a baseball bat. Then, wake me up when it’s over because I’ve seen the videos — and it looks terrifying.'

Singer Shakira on changing nappies:
'I didn’t expect babies to need so many diapers! Nobody told me they needed to be changed so often. I mean he’s a great, great baby. He’s an easy one, I think. But nobody told me it would be this hard.'

Gwyneth Paltrow on mum fatigue:
'Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired.'

Pink’s transformation from a rock chick to doting mummy has been well documented on Twitter, with regular updates about attachment parenting and life on tour with her two daughters. The pop princess tweets things like:
‘My life was once whiskey, tears, and cigarettes. Now it’s snot, tears, and the colour of poop. #bliss.’

Actress Katie Holmes on her parenting priorities:
'I think the basics are very important: the number one thing is making sure my child feels loved. And good about herself. And that what she does and who she is, is special and important, and should be celebrated. And my mum always said, “No one loves you like your mother.”’

Whilst pregnant with her beautiful baby Luna, her first child with husband John Legend, Chrissy Teigen said:
‘The most annoying part of pregnancy is the fruit and veg sh*t: “Your baby is six inches. A pineapple!” What the f**k grocery store we at?’

As well as talking about how she ‘wasn’t one of those people that likes to go out and flaunt being pregnant’ fashion designer and mum of four Victoria Beckham spoke about a slightly more unusual side effect. Telling Marie Claire:
‘When I was pregnant, I just wanted to get lots and lots of animals, for some reason. We talked about cats but David said absolutely not.’

Hilarious tweets that every mum can relate to

There's not a more entertaining place on the internet then Twitter - especially for mums and dads. From on-point observations about parenthood to hilarious anecdotes to very relatable content about the terrible twos, there are plenty of side-splitting tweets that will have you in stitches.

Of course, it's just knowing where to look... We guarantee you will laugh out loud at these hilarious tweets from mums and dads everywhere. Which do you relate to most?


11 Hilarious Parenting Tweets That Every Parent Can Relate To

We've all been there!1 of 11

funny tweet parenting 1

We've all been there! Nothing to be ashamed of...

What a lovely mummy!2 of 11

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What a lovely mummy! You deserve all this and more - fingers crossed he'll remember...

Surely not the infamous 'why'3 of 11

funny parenting tweet 2

Surely not the infamous 'why' phase at not even two and half?!

Never seen a pie chart so accurate4 of 11

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Never seen a pie chart so accurately representing our lives.

They really do grow up fast 5 of 11

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They really do grow up fast don't they?

If we could wear a nappy on our head and look fabulous - we would6 of 11

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If we could wear a nappy on our head and look fabulous - we would. Will the opportunity to get out of sweatpants ever occur again?!

Let's face it7 of 11

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Let's face it, there's only so many times you can tell them to stop running. We feel you Nichole.

A luxurious scene8 of 11

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A luxurious scene! Baby conked out on the sofa, tea by her side and Harry Potter in hand.

Feel your pain9 of 11

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😂 Feel your pain Jason!

Constant decisions10 of 11

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Constant decisions! Parenting isn't as much of a walk in the park as we thought eh. Let's just hope our guests don't notice the huge pile of toys badly hidden behind the sofa.

they translate everything you say into the exact opposite11 of 11

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We have a theory that they have special toddler earpieces fixed in - they translate everything you say into the exact opposite. That's likely right?

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